Back in the 80s and early 90s, I remember growing up as a child without any social media. In many ways, I wish we could convert back to this time and live in the present, not comparing our lives with a random stranger's aunt who lives 5,000 miles away from you, whom you have never met. Screens - this is a whole subject on its own, my children (I will own this) are definitely in love with any type of screen. They are 3 and 9, do not judge me, most parents I know, like me, limit their children's screen time to the bare minimum ( for us it's sometimes one hour per day or nothing during term time but on the weekend it's about four hours a day), yet my youngest can scream for Paw Patrol for at least an hour on repeat. I can definitely see a change in their behaviour after they have had their fix, yet, sometimes they need to rest and have some - down time. I remember coming back from school and watching some kids television before dinner, but its more accessible than ever and lets be honest with ourselves, we as an older generation are constantly glued to our phone screens so how can we expect our children not to influenced by our own bad habits?
I remember asking my daughter why she thinks its unfair that she has a time limit and her answer was that we as adults should not be on our phone all the time. This made reality hit, she was right. They learn from us, yet we as adults are being hypocritical, even if its boring work we are sorting out and not watching the latest Netflix series.
Children need nature, they require exercise in the fresh outdoors not being cooped up in front of a screen all day, its about balance. For me, I am dreading the impact of social media on my daughter. Already, she is asking for her own youtube channel as some children apparently make millions unwrapping toys or playing barbies for the world to see. Maybe theres a positive in this, maybe its showing initiative. But then, its also impacting a younger generation to think that ´ínfluencers´ are idols and what they inspire to be when they grow up.
Magazines still airbrush models, filters are used on social media, its that expectation of what we think people look like when in reality, its very different. As a teenager and young adult, I joined a few agencies and remember seeing the before and after photos and thought gosh, I look much better after the touch up. How can we show our younger generation that it´s ok to feel sad, to have emotions, to have spots, to have a bit of chub if all they can see online is far from this?
Many schools talk about social media now, mainly because it can unfortunately be a platform for bullying. We as parents can also talk to our children about the positives and negatives of the worldwide web.
Not only can social media distract them, disrupt sleep, expose them to comments they may not like, they face an unrealistic view of their peers and pressure to keep up with them.
Obviously, its not just screen time and social media that affect our children's mental health, it can we a variety of reasons. Mine started from a young age, I remember being at high school and in my first year, eleven turning twelve and basically thinking about death - a-lot. Blunt and extreme it may seem but thats when my younger selfs emotions seemed to catch up with me.
I had divorced parents, whom didn´t get on, I went to three primary schools and never felt settled, my mum was marrying my best friend from primary schools dad, basically, my life was quite unusual in comparison to my friends, nowadays, it would be the ´norm´. Then reaching high school, was a challenge, the school was ´rough´ and I was quite scared of the older years. I got bullied by a gang who were jealous of my older brother dating a popular girl - my older brother and younger brother attended prestigious schools in comparison to mine. They were the academic ones and I was the arty one. I guess in many ways, I just felt that I had been put aside, I didn´t have as much to offer and left to get an education in a school that I detested and was scared of attending, luckily after the first year, and begging my mum, I was moved to another basic high school but found my feet and made amazing friends.
But in that first year of high school, I decided my life wasn't good enough, I wasn´t good enough and tried to end my life. Failed miserably, thank goodness, I thought for some reason that six paracetamol would do it but how wrong was I? Seemingly, very wrong and I am truly grateful for this. But it just goes to show that even at eleven I needed help but felt there was nobody I could turn to, unlike today, where everyone seems much more open to talking about our feelings. I remember mum taking me to the doctor to get something to help me sleep but it wasn't strong enough and did nothing. It wasn't til my college years that I was able to go on antidepressants, looking back, I really needed therapy but this just wasn´t offered to me.
In all honesty, my family and school life were still a struggle, another divorce later and insomnia throughout my high school years, contributing to not getting my predicted grades, although I got enough (I slept for an hour a night, most nights), I felt pressure from family as others in my family were high achievers. Maybe this was all in my head, but looking back, I wonder why I felt this? Continuous shame, even now, I struggle with expectations and what people think of me. I just knew I was different, I had issues but I wasn´t getting them addressed. It was only til I lived with my nanny Pat, I started opening up more. I was around sixteen and attending college, I was obsessed with my weight, I overate to cope with my anxiety and depression, then not eat, I didn´t have a massive issue as I loved food and still do but I think I would get annoyed at myself for the lack of control. I then had an epileptic fit, just before I was due to attend a dance university. I then decided I needed time, time alone, time in London. I went there, not knowing anyone but family in Surrey and felt free. The world was my oyster as they say.
I am explaining all of this as thankfully we are a new generation of talkers, many parents of this generation, talk to their children. Hence why its so important to talk about mental health, to ask them if they want to talk, ask them about their emotions. Normalising the highs and lows we have throughout life, especially our school years. If theres a trigger for the child to feel a certain way, maybe they need to express their feelings. I have provided mindfulness classes to children and children love to talk if they feel its a safe space, sometimes, they express their triggers through art, emotions - such as crying or laughing, talking, whatever is the case, its important they are heard.
Also telling them how much they are loved. The key to feeling safe.
I firmly believe that showing your child they have a safe place to vent is the first step in helping your child. Knowing that they can come and talk to you about anything, even if they know they´ve done wrong. Its about finding a solution, discussing the issues calmly and then taking the right approach. Parenting is the best but hardest job in the world. Don´t beat yourself up whether you are doing the right thing continually, just by caring it shows you are.
Making children know that their voices matter is key.
Making children know that they are loved is vital.
Making children know that they have a safe space to be heard is paramount.
Making children know that we are proud of them.
Making children aware of mental health and what it means.
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